Undeniable
by Chicapanzy
Summary: COMPLETED! ListerRimmer slash! Set after the Demons and Angels episode and stretchs into season 6 after the Legion episode. After encountering Low Rimmer and chatting with High Lister, Lister is now very confused about his feelings for Rimmer.
1. Flashbacks Can Suck

**Undeniable**

_Disclaimer: I get no money from writing about these guys. I'm just a broke fanfic author. Oh, and none of the characters are mine. If they were, they'd be in a cage in my basement…if I had a basement_

**_Warning: Lister/Rimmer slash. A.K.A. Lister and Rimmer in rather steamy situations. If this ain't your thing, this ain't your fanfic._**

_Author Note: This fanfic starts a week after the Demon's and Angels episode and spans into the 6th season. No real spoilers, but if you haven't seen the Legion episode or anything after it, you may wanna wait to read this._

**Chapter 1: Flashbacks Can Suck**

It had been a week since the High/Low Red Dwarf incident and Lister sat in his room strumming his guitar. Rimmer had already evacuated the area, not wanting to bother arguing to Lister that his guitar playing was the equivalent of a rabid female platypus having a difficult birth. Kryten and the Cat had also taken evacuation actions, the Cat worried that the constant chills falling down his spine would ruffle his hair beyond repair, and Kryten, as loyal as he was to Lister, recalled the last time he sat through a concert of Lister's guitar playing in which his programming was melted to the point where he would stalk backwards while clucking like a chicken to the tune of "Oh Suzanna" in the key of D minor and politely decided not to listen this time.

This rare moment of solitude gave Lister time to reflect back to the High/Low Red Dwarf incident. The notes that flew from his fingers had a bit of a sweet melody despite the bone-chilling lack of tuning as he remembered the conversation he had with High Lister:

"_You wanted to speak to me?" Lister said between slurps of the delectable cup of noodle._

"_Yes my darling blood brother," said High Lister in that ever dreamy, serene tone of voice of his. "I wanted to speak to you of the relationship between you and Arnold."_

"_Arnold? Oh, ya mean Rimmer. Yeah, what about it?"_

"_Well, you may not have been able to tell this just by looking, but High Rimmer and I are companions of the heart."_

_Lister choked in mid slurp and started coughing. "'Companions of the heart'? What the hell does that mean?"_

"_I suppose in a lesser terminology, once could call us a 'couple'."_

_Lister's eyes grew wider than the rim of his cup of noodle. "A COUPLE? Why the smeg would you want to be a couple with Arnold Judas Rimmer?"_

"_The Arnold that you know of is a more suffering version of my beloved Arnold. He dwells on his failures instead of seeing them as reasons to improve upon himself. My beloved sees life not as a constant reminder that he is not worth anything, but as a lesson that one continues to learn so long as they live. Even his death does not discourage him, but humbles him in the grand scheme of things. We do not argue as you and your Arnold do; instead we discuss our differences calmly and try to see the other's point of view. My beloved is a pure as a babbling brook spawned from the melting of the ice at the end of winter."_

"_Oh that's just sick," Lister spat. "There's no way that someone like me could be with a smeg head like Rimmer."_

_"Being as the two of you are now, no. To finally see that you are meant to be together will take self-improvement on both of your behalves. However, I would be glad to help you reach the necessary enlightenment to make things be as they are predestined to be while you are here so that things can be in the proper alignment preordained by a higher being than ourselves."_

_Lister shook his head violently, making the dreadlocks tied to the back of his head smack his in the face. "No. Way. Not happening. I'd rather lick the Cat's litter box than shack up with Rimmer."_

_High Lister merely shrugged, maintaining the ever present blissful smile on his face. "You can deny it all you like brother, but you shall never know true happiness until you realize Rimmer is your destined love. Why else would he and not your ex-lover Kristina Kochanski be brought back as a hologram to spend your time in space with?"_

"_Alright, I've had enough of your babbling brook of nonsense. I'm steadily losing my appetite for this delectable cup of noodle, and if it's okay with you, I'd rather keep eating it than discuss why Rimmer and I should be shacking up together."_

_"Suit yourself, brother," said High Lister, spreading his hands open wide. "You can live in denial as long as you deem it worth doing. Just do not let your denial drive you to the brink of madness. I bid you adieu for now."_

_With a smooth bow and a sweep of his robes, High Lister walked away, allowing Lister to finish his cup of noodle. Before going back to the heaven which was the cup of noodle in his hands, he muttered "Smeg head…" under his breath._

Lister stopped playing for a moment and thought about what High Lister had told him. Why _was_ Rimmer resurrected as a hologram instead of Krissy Kochanski? Things would have been much more pleasant if Krissy were the one he shared a bunk with instead of Rimmer. The cold nights in space would definitely have been easier to pass by with her warm body curled up next to his as opposed to Rimmer's high pitched, irregular snoring echoing throughout the night. But really, Rimmer wasn't _all_ bad _all _the time. He did have those rare, few and far in between moments when he's actually be a tolerable bloke to be around. But after those 5 seconds were up, he went right back to be the annoying smeg head that made his blood boil.

Lister shook his head and went back to strumming his guitar, this time playing a darker, edgier song. The tone of the song still wavered into the unbearable region, but the mood of the song made it sound at least a little better. As he strummed minor chords on the guitar, he recalled the moment he met Low Rimmer:

_Lister watching in horror as Low Rimmer sauntered down the stairs, his hair dark, greasy and short, piercings glittering off his face, a feather boa lazily draped around his shoulders, and his pale body clad in the kind of outfit you'd see at a burlesque show. The color drained from his face as he saw the crooked smile that spread across Low Rimmer's face as he looked Lister up and down._

"_Well," Low Rimmer said in a low, gruff voice, "Aren't you the delicious little tart?"_

"_Wha…what do you want?" Lister stuttered, unable to hide his fear._

"_I want to hurt you. I want to make you bleed. I want to see you cry tears of agony as you beg for mercy. But most of all," Low Rimmer stopped just inches from Lister's face, breathing a smell of stale alcohol and garlic so rank even Lister couldn't bear it, "I want to make you tremble in pain and pleasure. I want to have you, over and over again, until you pass out from exhaustion." Low Rimmer grabbed Lister's pale face with his hand, adding, "I want to taste your skin…" before licking Lister's cheek._

_Lister pushed Low Rimmer off of him and fell back onto the ground, crawling backwards, desperate to get away. Despite his fear though, he could feel something welling up in his loins, a feeling he hadn't felt in ages. Lister whimpered in fear and confusion, not knowing why he was feeling what he was feeling. Low Rimmer chuckled darkly as he stalked over to Lister and placed a stiletto clad foot onto Lister's crotch. He rubbed Lister's crotch slowly with the flat part of the sole, listening as Lister let out a small shaky moan. Low Rimmer's smirk grew bigger as he then pressed the heel of the stiletto into Lister's crotch. Lister's moan transformed into a cry of agony as a sharp piercing pain filled his joy department._

"_That's right," Low Rimmer said breathlessly, his hand roaming to his crotch and squeezing. "Let me hear you cry out. Let me hear your pain!"_

_Lucky for Lister, the other Lows showed up at that moment, preventing him from enduring anymore more of Low Rimmer's sadistic actions. They hit him on the head and then everything went black._

Lister had stopped playing in the middle of the flashback and was staring out into space. He noticed in dismay that the flashback had brought a cold sweat to his brows and made his trousers fit uncomfortably tighter. He flung his guitar off of him and onto the bunk. He put his head in his hands and sighed. 'What the hell's wrong with me? Why am I thinking about those incidents? Have I been stuck in space without a girl for that long?' he thought to himself. He flung himself down from the bunk and went to the sink. Turning on the cold water, he splashed his face in an effort to snap himself out of this weird mood. He looked at himself in the mirror, no longer sure of the person looking back at him. He shook his head and went back into his bunk. After putting his guitar in it's case and replacing it in its corner of the room, he pulled the covers over his head and decided to get some sleep to try and rid himself of the thoughts that plagued him.


	2. Splish splash

**Chapter 2: Splish, Splash, an Unwanted Need for a Bath**

6 am came sooner than Lister really wanted it to. Like clockwork, the alarm went off; Rimmer slid out of the bunk underneath him, and immediately went into his normal row of jumping jacks. Lister closed his eyes tight against the light that had clicked on and pulled the covers tighter over his head. He had a very uneasy rest, his dreams filled with visions of a dominating Rimmer and himself clad in white flowing robes. He did his best to try and go back to sleep, but the thought of seeing himself being chained naked to a wall and being holowhipped by Low Rimmer made him shiver and dread falling asleep again.

Lister didn't, however, want to talk let on that he was awake. Rimmer would naturally want to make some early morning sarcastic jabs at Lister, and Lister was in no mental shape to parry the onslaught with wittier comebacks. He instead listened to Rimmer as he worked out. The sounds of his ragged breathing and occasional groans of effort as he cycled through his daily exercise routine rang in poor Lister's ears, sending images of Rimmer taking Lister from behind into Lister's vulnerable mind. Lister pulled the pillow over his head, longing to block out the sounds and thus the horrid images that relentlessly sprang into his mind, but the pillow couldn't stop the erection that was straining against Lister's boxers.

'I can't handle this', thought Lister. 'If I don't get out of here, I'm gonna go blooming crazy!' In an instant, Lister flung the covers off, flew out of his bunk and stormed out of the room before Rimmer could even react to his sudden exit.

Lister bolted for the showers, stripping his clothes off as he went, not caring if he bumped into Kryten or Cat. When he reached the showers, he jumped into the first shower stall in sight and spun the cold water on full blast. Streams of cold water poured over Lister's fevered body, soaking into his dreadlocks. Lister closed his eyes and tried to rid himself of the explicit thoughts that just kept getting worse and worse. His body began to shiver under the cold water, but he didn't care. He just wanted to stop the thoughts from coming back at any cost. After a good 5 minutes under the water, Lister finally felt like things were back under his control and turned off the water. He put both of his hands on the stall and just stood there, breathing heavily.

"Okay bro, get it together," he said out loud to himself. "You're gonna be alright. Everything's cool."

"Oh come on Lister, it's only a shower. You don't need to give yourself a pep talk when you're done."

Lister's eyes grew wide as he whirled around to face the bearer of that painfully familiar voice. Sure enough, there stood Rimmer in the doorway with his arms crossed and a smug smile on his face. Covering his manhood, Lister screamed at Rimmer, "Jesus man, you don't just walk in on a bloke when he's in the shower!"

"Well, you can't very well blame me for walking in on you," Rimmer retorted. "Any time you go running out of a room at 6 am in the morning calls for a little attention. Hell, you even being _awake _at 6 am in the morning calls for attention! Follow that with your sudden desire to take up a job as a streaker, your appearance in a shower, which _definitely_ means something's up if you feel you need to shower, and that little pep talk, it's only natural that I'd be just a tad curious as to what flew up your ass."

"I'd be quite happy if you hadn't _seen_ my ass, thank you very much!" parried Lister.

"Oh, well don't think I was happy to see that! My God, it was like seeing burned cottage cheese sprinkled with ash!" Rimmer spat with a look of disgust on his face.

Lister glared at Rimmer, his face bright red. "Look, I'm perfectly fine, and I don't need your stupid remarks this morning! Now if you'll excuse me, I need to collect my clothes from the hall!" Lister walked past Rimmer, who despite being a hologram, moved swiftly out of Lister's path to avoid any form of contact with him. The sounds of his stomping down the corridor were only interrupted momentarily by the occasional scooping up of his clothes. Rimmer shook his head and watched as Lister followed his trail of clothes back to his room. "What a complete git."


	3. Change Is the Arsenic of Life

Sorry loyal readers! I know you've been anticipating this next chapter, but I had to go with the Longhorn Band to the Rose Bowl! But now I'm back and the story shall continue! On with the show! XD

* * *

**Chapter 3: Change Is the Arsenic of Life**

The rest of that day was rather rocky for Lister. In fact, the next few weeks were rather rocky for Lister. He was constantly jumpy, showering more often than he ever had in his entire life, and at random intervals would tremble and break into cold sweats. Everyone feared that perhaps he had contracted a virus since the High/Low incident, but after about a month or two (2 of those weeks spent in quarantine), Lister finally started to calm down. The thoughts of him and Rimmer getting it on in the freakiest of ways stopped popping into his mind as often and thus the number of showers he took rapidly decreased. Just as he thought, his worry that he might have a thing for Rimmer had simply been a phase and was petering out at last.

Or so he thought.

Once the time came that the entire Red Dwarf crew would have to go into suspended animation due to the Red Dwarf being filched by who knows who, Lister had almost completely gotten rid of the disturbing thoughts of him and Rimmer. 'By the time we come out of suspended animation,' thought Lister, 'I should be good as new again. No more images of Rimmer as a dominatrix, no more fantasies of him having me over and over again, and most of all, no more bloody cold showers!'

And again, just as he thought, he did indeed lose the need for those dreaded cold showers by the time he and the rest of the crew were freed from suspended animation. But this victory was short lived. After escaping from Legion's ship, Rimmer had obtained the closest thing he'll have to a real human body again: a hard-light bee. With the hard-light bee, Rimmer could now touch and feel, just as he had when he was human. He could even taste again, though he'd be unable to actually digest anything he ate. Of course, this made things easier for him, because then there was no need to worry about something being digested wrong and spending hours in the loo suffering from Montezuma's Revenge. For Rimmer, this was almost as good as being alive again.

For Lister, it was hell.

It didn't occur to Lister at first of course. Lister is, after all, not the brightest bulb on Broadway. To Lister, Rimmer's new hard-light body was just a new way for Rimmer to become annoying as bloody hell. But Lister started to feel something stir in him when he spotted Rimmer looking in the mirror, touching his face and running his hands through his hair like a girl in an Herbal Essences commercial. Then it finally hit him (keep in mind, Lister is really rather slow), Rimmer could feel again. Rimmer wasn't just a ghost of a person that you could easily walk through anymore. Rimmer was now a solid, physical being that you could bump, punch, caress, or...

Lister felt the cold sweat start to bead at his forehead again. The thoughts had come back with a vengeance. This time, they couldn't just be dismissed with a cold shower, for without Red Dwarf, showers were a luxury, even for Lister. He sighed sadly. There was only one way to get rid of the problem.

Lister had been fortunate enough to find a use for the virtual reality machine on Starbug. When the rest of the crew was asleep, Lister would sneak into the virtual reality room, slip on the helmet, and shag away his sexual frustrations. Lister was also fortunate that the rest of the crew were heavy sleepers. Lister knew that he'd have to make a visit to the virtual reality machine and spend however long it took to beat the thoughts out of him (if you catch my drift...).

Lister, unable to fight the desire to jerk off with cold showers anymore, made his way to the virtual reality room when everyone was asleep. The moment he entered the room, however, he noticed not _every_one was asleep and that the machine was already in use. Rimmer's groans echo in the empty room as he thrusts his dick into his hand. Lister froze in his spot he stood in. It was as if some strange curse had over taken him. Just when he needed to get rid of his sexual tension, he finds the exact cause of it beating off to porn, completely unaware of his presence. He wanted to leave, to run as far as he could and pretend like he saw nothing. But as the sounds of Rimmer's groans and grunts fluttered in Lister's ears, he wanted more and more to run over to Rimmer and finish the job for him.

Rimmer's groans grew louder and more frequent; he was nearing the finishing point. It was now or never, sink or swim, fight or flight. Lister had a very important decision to make. He either needed to suck Rimmer down like a cold glass of water after roaming in the desert, or he needed to run like he just stole the Queen's crown off her head and gave her the finger on the way out. In the end, Lister's senses broke through, and he started to slowly walk out of the theater. He made it to the door just as Rimmer came, his cries of pleasure ringing through the theater. With a gulp, Lister ignored the throbbing in his own pants and pushed open the door...

…which unfortunately creaked.

Despite how involved Rimmer was with his virtual fuck, Rimmer heard the door creak loud andclear. Someone had seen him. Someone knew he was there and what he had been doing. He pulled off the virtual reality helmet and whirled around to see who it was.

"Oh, smeg!" Lister said under his breath. He whirled around and bolted out the door. Sadly, his retreat wasn't fast enough. Rimmer caught a glimpse of his dreadlocks as they slipped through the exit. The color in Rimmer's face drained. "Oooh smeg," he said out loud. Of all bloody people to spot him polishing his rod, it had to be Lister.

Rimmer replaced his dick into his boxers and zipped up the fly to his trousers. He sighed a heavy sigh and said out loud to no one, "Well, I guess I better go explain myself."


	4. Awkward Positions

**Chapter 4: Awkward Positions**

Lister made it back to briefing room in record time. Well, record time for him anyway. He felt as though he was living a nightmare. There was no doubt that Rimmer had caught him spying on him as he jerked off. There was also no doubt that Rimmer would likely come to Lister and demand to know what he was doing watching him. Lister felt like a rat cornered by a hungry cat; he knew there was no where to go. Anywhere he went would only prolong the inevitable. Still, he couldn't just let himself be found by Rimmer, seeing as how the Starbug left little place to run. Lister frantically looked around the room for a place to hide.

Kryten and Cat snored in the piloting bay or the Starbug. If he ran in there and pretended to be sleep,maybe he could get away with it or at least put it off until tomorrow. He couldn't bear the thought of seeing Rimmer right now, especially when he was suffering from the biggest erection he'd ever had in a long time.

Lister spotted a cabinet and snuck into it just as Rimmer came into the room. Lister's breath caught in his throat and his heart was skipping beats. He prayed silently, ' Please don't let him find me please don't let him find me PLEASE don't let him find me!' Rimmer looked around frantically. "Come on Lister, I know you're here somewhere! Come out so we can talk!"

Rimmer stood in the middle of the room with his hands on his hips. Lister peeked out of the cabinet, his body shivering in fear. ' This is pitiful,' he thought. ' I'm hiding like a naughty boy who caught his parents having a go! I'm a man! I shouldn't be hiding like this!'

Nevertheless, Lister stayed put in the cabinet, not daring to breathe, not daring to move. When Rimmer finally left the room, Lister's body relaxed and he let out a huge breath of air. ' Thank God,' he thought. Though he had been sed for the moment, he knew he'd bump into Rimmer eventually. He figured he might as well take care of the erection that was still prominent now that he was safe and out of harms way.

He gently leaned against the back of the cabinet, unbuttoned his pants, and unzipped his fly. He let his pants slip down his legs and pulled down his boxers. His erection throbbed painfully despite its release from the prison of his clothes. His balls ached from the semen that filled them. He gingerly grabbed his penis with his right hand, using the left to keep him stable. He spread his legs to the edges of the cabinet's interior to keep from falling after he got started. He let his thoughts wander to the scene he witnessed in the virtual reality room, slowly pumping his hand up and down the shaft of his huge hard on. As his vision of Rimmer thrusted steadily faster, Lister pumped his dick faster and faster. He bit his lip to keep from crying out, but he couldn't help but let small, abbreviated moans escape his lips. The vision of Rimmer satisfying himself morphed into a scene of Lister taking Rimmer from behind. Faster and harder he thrusted, lost in the throes of his ecstasy.

In his desperate need to come, he didn't hear Rimmer come back into the room. He also didn't hear Rimmer come up to the cabinet door and listen to his harder to contain moans of pleasure. Just as he hit the plateau he'd been aching to hit, Rimmer opened the door of the cabinet, taking a full load directly in the face.

Lister no longer could hold back his ecstasy. He moaned out loud and cried out, "Oh, Rimmer!", uncaring of who heard. He finally did what he needed to do, and he was damned glad it was over with. However, upon hearing Rimmer reply, "Yes, Lister?", he wished he had held it all in. He opened his eyes, knowing just what he'd see. There was Rimmer, with Lister's love juices dribbling down his face.

Lister's mouth opened in complete horror. This was it. The absolute worse thing that could have happened had happened. The shit had finally hit the proverbial fan. There was no way he could deny anything at this point. Everything began to swim in Lister's head. The release of all that sexual tension, the heart-stopping realization that he had just been caught, and screaming Rimmer's name when he came no less, it was all too much for him. The colors of the world around him began to swirl together and next thing he knew, everything went black.


	5. Coming Out of the Cabinet

**Chapter 5: Coming Out of the Cabinet**

Lister's eyes opened slowly. The last thing he remembered was Rimmer's face covered in his bodily excretion. He had no clue what he was going to see upon regaining consciousness. Much to his dismay, it was Rimmer's face, only a lot cleaner.

With a shout, Lister backpedaled into a corner. He clung to his knees and rocked like a child who had just sat through a 24 hour marathon of Friday the 13th movies. His nightmares had come true. In one night he'd managed to completely fall from the graces of Straightdom straight into the pits of Fairy Land.

His breath came out ragged as though he had just run a lap around the Red Dwarf. "I suppose blaming it all space sickness wouldn't cut it, huh?" he finally managed to spit out after Rimmer simply sat and stared at him.

"No Lister, I don't think that'd quite explain it for me," said Rimmer in a surprisingly calm voice. Lister rocked even more and before he could stop himself, began explaining the whole thing to him.

"It's not like I wanted it that way. It's not like I meant to walk in on ya while you were having fun with the virtual reality machine. It's not like I wanted to hide from ya in the cabinet because I was too blooming scared of what I'd have to say to ya...okay, actually I did want to hide from ya because I was scared. But it's not like I meant to fantasize about you while I played with me joystick, and it's definitely not like I meant to jizz all over your face." Lister finally realized just what all he'd just said and went whiter than an British streaker in the dead of winter. With an "Oh, smeg..." and a groan, he closed his eyes tightly and put his head on his knees.

' Fan-bloody-tastic...' thought poor Lister. 'There's no denying it now. Now he knows I'm fruitier than a fruit factory. What's worse is I didn't even know it myself until just now.'

Rimmer, however, seemed to be taking the whole situation a lot better than Lister thought he would. "This is why you were constantly showering back on the Red Dwarf, isn't it?" he said in a calm, collected voice. "This is why you were jumpier than a crack addict that hadn't gotten his fix in a week."

Lister dropped his head. "Yeah. It started happening after the High/Low incident. For some reason, I just couldn't stop picturing you in erotic ways. Ways that I'd usually smack meself in me own balls for thinking. I couldn't figure it out. Of all people to be attracted to, why you? Why not the Cat? At least then..."

"...you could be with someone that was alive, is that right?" Rimmer finished for him, a surprisingly sad look on his face.

"No! No, at least then I'd be attracted to someone who thought he was God's gift to the universe. It'd make a bit more sense then. But no, it's you, you that I can't get my bloody mind off of. You that constantly creeps into my fantasies and gives me woodies that would scare the hell out of a prepubescent boy and choke the whoriest of whores. You that I keep wanting to touch and to hold and to..."

Lister was cut off by a kiss from Rimmer, who had crept up to where Lister sat during his rambling. Lister, still clinging to his heterosexual ways, stiffened up the moment Rimmer's lips touched his. But he then melted into the kiss and began to return it fully. The two kissed passionately in the corner, letting years of sexual repression flutter into breeze. The two only stopped when they heard the familiar clanging of metal which meant that Kryten was up and moving around. Their kiss ended abruptly upon hearing, "GREAT GOD IN SILICON HEAVEN, WHAT ARE YOU TWO DOING?"

Both men jumped straight up and began rambling:

"It's not what it looks like Kryters."

"I was having trouble breathing."

"He was on the verge of death."

"He was saving my life."

"He needed CPR and being the only CPR certified crew member, I administered it."

"I'm doing perfectly fine now, thanks a bunch Rimmer!"

"Oh, anytime Lister, anytime at all!"

Kryten's mechanoid eyes welled with mechanoid tears. "You're lying! Both of you! You two were playing tonsil hockey in the corner, don't deny it!" Kryten ran past them crying as though he were a woman who'd just found her husband snogging with the hired help. Both Lister and Rimmer stood in the middle of the room, speechless. They looked at each other,

blushed, and then looked away. All that needed to be said had been said in that kiss, but with the sudden interruption from Kryten, all the courage it took to admit what they had had been flushed from their systems completely.

Lister decided to break the silence. "I'm...uh...I'm gonna go check on Kryten..."

"Yes, I'm sure he's gonna need a proper explanation..." Rimmer trailed off. He cleared his throat and went to the cockpit while Lister went after Kryten, trying to figure out just what would constitute as a proper explanation.


	6. Kryters Knows Best

**Chapter 6: Kryters Knows Best**

Lister found Kryten in the panel room, sitting at the table crying. Well, crying about as much as a mechanoid could. He took a deep breath and sat next to Kryten. He fiddled awkwardly with his stubby fingernails before Kryten broke the silence.

"How could you do it Sir? How could you kiss such a vile smeeeeeeee heeeeeeed like Mr. Rimmer? I thought you had values! I thought you had higher standards than that!"

"Well I didn't exactly initiate it you know," said Lister. "It's not like I went up to him and said, ' Lay one on me you big hunk of hard-light!' He caught me completely off guard!"

"So you're saying you took no pleasure in it?" sniffed Kryten.

"No, of course not!" Lister paused. "Well, maybe just a little. Okay, maybe a lot."

Kryten blubbered into his tissue. "I can't believe I'm losing you!"

"You're not losing me Kryten! You and I are still what we were!"

"You're lying! You've fallen for Rimmer and I can never hope to get you back!"

Lister sat there dumbfounded. From what it sounded like, it seemed as though Kryten had a thing for him! "Listen, Kryten...it never would have worked out between you and me anyways. I mean sure, it's great that you clean my clothes without a single complaint, but when I think about you, it's like thinking about me mum!"

Kryten looked at Lister. "You really mean that? You think of me as if I were your mother?"

Lister looked slightly confused. "Well, yeah. Granted me mum would have boxed me ears if she knew half of what I'd been doing since I got on the Red Dwarf, but still."

Kryten eyes glittered anew with fresh mechanoid tears, these of joy instead of sadness. "Oh Mr. Lister, you've made me so happy!" Kryten pulled Lister into a bone crushing hug that Lister reluctantly had to pull away from for risk of shattering his ribs. "So," said Lister, "you don't have a thing for me?"

"Oh heavens no Mr. Lister! I've always cared for you as if you were a son to me. I've always worried about you and tended to your needs as if I had birthed you from my very own mechanical loins. Which is why seeing you with Mr. Rimmer was so painful!" Kryten dabbed his eyes with a hand sewn handkerchief with a fancy letter ' K' on it while Lister continued to look dumbfounded.

"Why would kissing Rimmer be such an issue?" Lister asked.

Kryten looked at Lister as though the answer should have been obvious. "Sir, surely you've been in enough relationships to know what happens as they progress."

Lister thought for a moment. In all his relationships, mostly drunken sex and bar hopping occurred, but he had seen enough sappy black and white movies to get a general idea. "Well, from the movies I've watched, the couple hits it off, and then some conflict occurs in which one or both of the lovers don't want to see the other again. Then one realizes that the other is the only one for them, but by then it's found out that the other is either leaving and never coming back or has a terminal illness that will forever keep them at." Lister's eyes filled with tears. "Those movies always get to me..."

Kryten shook his head. "Uh, no Sir, what happens when a normal couple gets close is that they no longer need anyone else except each other. They dedicate their lives to taking care of each other." Kryten started to blubber again. "And if Rimmer and you get into a relationship then there'll be no place for me to take care of you!"

Kryten wept into his hanky while Lister pinched the bridge of his nose. "Kryten, assuming me and Rimmer actually go so far as to get in a relationship, there's no way he'd take your place!"

Kryten looked up from his handkerchief. "You mean it?"

Lister smiled. "Oh course not! You're the only one on the ship who'd dare to touch my underloons. And nobody worries about me the way you do Kryten!"

Kryten smiled back. "Why thank you Sir. I appreciate that. But there's still one thing that worries me."

"What's that?"

"How do you know that Mr. Rimmer is good enough for you? I mean really, he's had close to zero relationship experience and can be very insensitive to others' needs. Given the first sign of danger, even if your life were at stake and he was completely devoted to you, he'd be bound to act upon his survival instincts and turn tail faster than you could say "Hot buttered lugnuts!". Someone like that isn't a person you should consider in a relationship."

Lister closed his eyes. Sadly, Kryten was a little too much like his mum. "I'll be fine. After all, there's still no guarantee that me and Rimmer are gonna shack up. I mean, I'm still feeling kinda off about it. I mean, even though I liked it, there's still the fact that it was Rimmer that I kissed. And I don't quite think I could get on with him so well that I'd start calling him Arnie Baby or something like that. That doesn't change the fact that my feelings for him are becoming a bit more amorous than I can really control."

"Well," Kryten said, putting a hand on Lister's shoulder. "You can always confide in me about the manner. If ever you're feeling unsure of how things are, or if things don't go right, feel free to come to me anytime."

Lister smiled and put his hand on Kryten's. "Thanks Kryten. I appreciate it. And, do you think you could keep the Cat out of the loop? At least until I see where this is heading?"

"You have my word."

Kryten rose from the table and spread his arms open wide. Lister, taking the hint, also rose up and gave him a hug. "Oh," Kryten said in Lister's ear. "And if he ever does a single thing to make you cry, I swear I'll crush his hard-light bee like a bug under my feet." He brought Lister away from him and took a good look at him. With a wavering smile, he took his hands off his shoulders and said, "Now go and talk to him. I'm sure you two have some things you still need to sort out."

Lister silently nodded and turned from Kryten, leaving the room. Kryten lifted his handkerchief to his eyes and wiped away a mechanoid tear. "They grow up so fast..."


	7. Rimmer’s Thoughts

**Chapter 7: Rimmer's Thoughts**

Rimmer sat alone in the briefing room, letting the events of just half an hour ago sink in. He had actually kissed Lister. Lister! The vile, disgusting waste of human flesh that he'd been cursed to live his death with for several years, not including the time they spent together when he was alive. But Rimmer thought about it and realized that despite the rude retorts and the obvious clash of personality and tastes, there really wasn't any reason for him to hate Lister. Sure, be repelled by him, maybe even _envy_ him, but hate him? No. The only real reason he could hate Lister was for his never ending optimism. Even though between the two of them, they had a somewhat equally hard life, Lister was the more favorable one because he didn't let the bad things in his life bring him down. He was that silver lining that surrounds his dark clouds. In fact, he was the closest thing he had to a real friend his entire life/death. Lister even displayed rare moments of sympathy and kindness to him when others would simplysneer at him and turn away or laugh at his misfortune for being Arnold J. Rimmer.

It had honestly scared Rimmer when he discovered that Lister had seen him pleasuring himself in the virtual reality room. He didn't know what kind of onslaught of sarcastic remarks he would have to endure. Then hearing Lister moaning in the briefing room cabinet made something stir inside of him. Something he'd never felt before. He followed the sounds to the cabinet and received a faceful of Lister's sperm and an earful of his own name being called out by Lister. He really had no idea how to react. Before he even could though, Lister passed out. It seemed like common sense to pull him out of the cabinet, clean him up, and clothe him, since talking to him without clothes once he came to would have been more than awkward.

After making Lister appear respectable (as much so as he could, since it _was_ Lister), he cleaned up his own face and sat next to Lister's unconscious body. He took this moment to gaze at Lister's sleeping face. Despite his violent reaction to cumming on his face, Lister's face now had a peaceful look to it. It must be true that even a demon could look angelic when he sleeps, for seeing Lister asleep had made him look more handsome than he ever had while he was awake. Even though they had been bunkmates for ages, Rimmer never took the time to look at Lister when he was asleep. Most of the time Lister had his back to Rimmer when he was doing his early morning exercises, and as Lister had the sleeping habits of an opossum, Rimmer was almost always asleep before Lister.

It wasn't that Rimmer had found Lister unattractive. Granted, he could stand to crank up his hygiene just a tad more, but his face always seemed to glow with an inner light. His smile, though usually displayed when making cracks at Rimmer or enjoying some inane activity, was a warm one that held no bitterness or malice in it. The few moments when he could bask in that unadulterated smile were some of the few moments he could say that he feel happy inside. His eyes had a beautiful sparkle to them like that you would see reflecting off a lake or the ocean in the moonlight. His eyes were always alive and filled with that inner light that Rimmer would die again for to possess. If there were a man for Rimmer to be attracted to, Lister was it.

When Lister finally woke up and confessed his hidden desires to Rimmer, Rimmer could feel his heartbeat slow. He'd never had someone tell him how much they wanted him, be it sexually or any other way. His chest burned with a fire he didn't think possible to feel. Though he spoke calmly, he felt as though he would tremble into nothing. Finally, in a burst of passion and emotion, Rimmer made the move in on Lister's rambling mouth and kissed him. It was the first kiss he had had in ages, and it couldn't have tasted any sweeter. Time seemed to have stopped and everything else disappeared. All that he felt was Lister's lips against his. His heartbeat racing inside of his trembling chest. The unbelievable warmth that he emanated from deep down in his soul.

The spell was broken instantly when Kryten clambered in and like the complete spazzoid he was freaked out at the sight of them. Though Rimmer could hardly blame him for reacting like that. If ever there was a more unlikely couple of blokes to be found snogging in the corner of the briefing room, it was him and Lister. When Kryten left, the tension between him and Lister was thicker than he ever could have imagined. Lister left him alone with only the tingle in his lips and the blur of emotions whirling in his heart and mind.

Rimmer gripped his head, which was now pulsing in pain. He was so confused. Did Lister only want him as an alternative to jerking off? Or was there more to it than that? It was a known fact that Rimmer's resurrection as a hologram was to keep him sane. Had their relationship finally gone beyond that? Or was Lister merely going through a weird phase which would peter out eventually? Did he only want Lister because of the things he said to him? Or did he secretly, deep down have a love that had been suppressed?

He hoped that Lister would hurry back, so that they could actually talk about all these weird feelings that made him feel like he was going to pop. But at the same time, he was scared. Scared that everything that happened wasn't real. Scared that everything that happened _was_ real. And most of all, scared of what this strange night would bring for the both of them in the future.


	8. Lister's Thoughts

**Chapter 8: Lister's Thoughts**

Lister sighed in relief after leaving Kryten in the panel room. Having him walk in on the two of them kissing definitely helped to make his already awkward situation even more awkward. But now that things with Kryten were under control, he could focus completely on Rimmer.

Now that Lister had gotten the sexual frustration out of the way and had some alone time to really think, he wondered just what it was that made him start wanting Rimmer so badly. I knew it was the incident with the Highs and Lows that started it, but how could one incident just create new emotions out of the blue? The only thing that could have made such a thing possible was that subconsciously, Lister had always liked Rimmer, even when he acted like a total git.

But why? Rimmer didn't even like himself. How in the world could Lister, of all people, be the one to fall for him? They were total opposites, in taste, in personality, everything. The only thing they shared was a rough upbringing, and Rimmer made it a point to tell Lister that being without a real family would've been loads better than living with the epitome of dysfunctional families.

Technically you could say Rimmer was a black sheep, but to be a black sheep, you couldn't be a smeg head born from a family of smeg heads. Or at least that's how Rimmer put it.

And though it _was_ true that Rimmer was a smeg head, there was still something about him that kept Lister attracted to him. Sure, he wasn't the prettiest thing...in fact, there were many times where Rimmer could have scared small children with the faces he made, especially when he was disgusted. And true, he was unnecessarily arrogant, especially since he had nothing to really be arrogant about. And yeah, he was interested in some of the absolutely most boring things in the entire universe, like collecting photos of telephone poles and telling RISK stories, complete with roll by roll action.

But despite these many things that would (and does) repel most people away from Rimmer, there were still the times that he enjoyed Rimmer's company. For instance, there was that one night years back when they first started spending their eternity in space together when Rimmer got totally snockered up with holoshots and started spilling his secrets. For the first time ever, he and Rimmer spent time together like he used to with his old mates. And then there was the time when he put the wrong kind of soap in the laundry machine on purpose, grabbed some of the trays from the cafeteria, and slid down the hallway face first. Rimmer of course was a soft-light hologram at the time and couldn't be splashed, but swore up and down that Lister had gotten soap suds on his uniform, then decided to chase him up and down the hall, and blamed his huge fall on the soap suds on Lister too. Even though he looked angry, something in his eyes told Lister that he was really just playing so that he could have as much fun as Lister was. Moments like that made him appreciate Rimmer for the screw up he was.

The more Lister thought about the fun times he had with Rimmer, the more he actually realized that they actually had a lot of fun together underneath the sarcasm and cheap shots about each other's hygiene or their habits. That's when he remembered something that Holly had told him a while back. Rimmer's sole purpose for being a hologram was to keep Lister sane. And whether either of them wanted to admit it or not, he was doing a banging job of it.

Lister tried to think of what he'd do if Rimmer hadn't been around bugging the crap out of him since the moment he came out of stasis, and the thought actually scared him. He didn't want to think about what life without Rimmer was like. I didn't want to experience life without Rimmer. He wanted Rimmer to always be around, even when he's in Smeg Head mode.

Lister stopped walking for a moment and stared out with a blank look on his face. He had finally realized that what High Lister told him was true. Lister and Rimmer _were_ predestined to be together. Not just for Lister's sanity, but because...this concept was still kinda hard to swallow...he actually _loved_ Rimmer.

Lister couldn't help but let his face screw up at the thought of this. After all, with several years of what he thought was a mutual hatred for each other, trying to call that mutual hatred love was a bit off in his mind. But he calmly kept thinking things over and he smiled. Yeah, he _was_ in love with Rimmer. Rimmer meant a lot to him and apently started to grow on him after a while. He found it funny how he spend so much time calling him names and insulting him, when really he just wanted to hold him and caress him and tell him exactly how he felt.

It were as if Lister had been reborn. This epiphany made the last few years of his life make sense. The lost, empty feeling he always felt when he was alone no longer hid in his heart. It was gone, because he knew exactly who it was that he loved, and they were right there with him so that he could tell him.

Lister ran for the briefing room. If everything he just thought and felt was real, then surely Rimmer felt it too. Rimmer must have felt the same things that he felt. Rimmer must have...

Lister stopped suddenly. 'Wait...' he thought. 'What if...he really _doesn't_ feel that way? What if that kiss was just a neuron that snapped in his head after having all that stuff happen to him in such a short span of time? What if he thinks the whole thing was just a horrible joke I was playing on him to mock him?'

Rimmer definitely seemed the type who would believe everything else except the truth if the truth was beneficial to him in any kind of way. While Lister was notorious for playing jokes on him, he would never kid around about who he's attracted to. After hearing about Kochanski as much as he did, he'd think that Rimmer would know that without being told.

And yet he still worried. As pessimistic as the fool was, he did have reason to be so. He never got any friendly actions directed to him when he was alive. Why would he expect it happen now?

Lister sighed heavily, but didn't get too down. He was, after all, terribly optimistic. He had to believe that Rimmer would know what he feels is true. He just had to. It'd go against all he was not to.

And so, he began walking again, reaching the door to the panel room and seeing that poor lonely hologram sitting with his head in his hands, the torturous thoughts hanging over his head like a heavy black rain cloud. Even though he looked so down, Lister could help but smile at the sight of him. 'It'll be nice when he doesn't look like that anymore,' he thought to himself. 'Hopefully, I can be the person to wipe that sad look off his face.'

Gathering all his courage and taking a deep breath, Lister stepped into the room to face his, if Fate wasn't lying to him, future lover.


	9. It Had To Be You

**Chapter 9: It Had To Be You...**

Lister entered the room where Rimmer sat alone. Rimmer heard him come in and stood up immediately, as if the Queen herself had entered the room. Lister smiled awkwardly. "Hey."

"Hey."

A long pause lingered between the two men while they looked at each other. Lister broke eye contact and looked at his feet. "So...I'm guessing it'd be best if we talked."

Rimmer nodded. "Yeah, I guess it would. Is Kryten alright?"

"Oh yeah," said Lister, the mood lightening just a tad.

"Had to talk to him like I was talking to me mum, but he's good."

"That's good," said Rimmer. "I wouldn't want any awkward feelings among the crew."

Another long pause. The tension that hung in the air before Lister left had returned. Neither really knew where to begin, though there was plenty to say.

Lister took a step forward and decided to be the one to initiate the discussion. "Rimmer, I've got tell you, this is a completely weird feeling for me."

"And for me too."

"I mean, of all people to fall for I never thought I'd be falling for you."

"I understand perfectly, the feeling is mutual."

"And it's not like I've always felt this way for you or anything, it's just something that I started feeling after the Highs and Lows conflict."

"And I only started feeling this way after you...wait...why after the High and Lows conflict? What happened then that made you change your feelings?"

Lister started to get a bit nervous. "Well, it didn't happen immediately...well it kinda did, but I was so freaked out I couldn't think straight."

"What. Happened."

Lister gulped and started to fidget. He'd have to tell Rimmer what happened. It was such an awkward story for a man to tell to another man, but when he thought the subject matter at hand, things couldn't get much more awkward. He took a deep breath, and said, "You know how I was the only one who met the Lows?"

Rimmer's eyes narrowed. "Yeees..."

"Well...when I met the Low you, he looked like something straight out of Rocky Horror. He had a boa and eye makeup, and stilettos and..." Lister gave a shudder recollecting, not just from discomfort, but from the thoughts he had of Low Rimmer.

"Anyway, he came up to me, and told me how he wanted to hurt me and make me bleed...and then he mentioned he wanted to pleasure me to the point of painful exhaustion. He ran me into a corner and started fondling me package with his shoe. Before anything else could happen, the other Lows showed up and packed me away. Now after it was all over, all I could think of was the hell I went through when they controlled my body. But I started playing me guitar, and I started thinking about it. I remembered that when fondled me crotch, I started to get a hard on. And it disturbed the bloody hell out of me to think of it, but before I could help it, all I could picture was you taking me over and over and over again."

Rimmer stared at Lister, still with narrow eyes. "So, if I'm to get this right, you're not _really_ falling for me, you just have an uncontrollable desire me to bonk you, am I correct? You only want me as a living, breathing dildo, is that it?"

"No, no!" Lister shouted in defense. "That's only half of the story."

"Then what's the other half?" Rimmer said, crossing his arms.

Lister took another deep breath. If the Low Rimmer half of the story rubbed him wrong, then the High Lister story might not go over well either. He had to tell him though. With another deep breath, Lister continued his tale, "Back when we were with the Highs, High me pulled me off to the side to talk. He told me that the High version of you and me were a couple. Or "companions of the heart" as he said. He told me that the _real _reason you were brought back as a hologram wasn't to keep me sane, but because you and I are destined to be together. It's written in the stars and all the stuff. I thought he was stone cold raving mad, but I thought about it, and...well...maybe he's not so far off after all."

Rimmer scoffed. "Far off? He's about as far off as a golfer on the 11th hole hitting his ball straight into a mimosa over at the clubhouse! There's no way you and I could be _destined_ to be together, we're too different!"

"Maybe that's why we're destined to be together Rimmer. Because we compliment each other's differences. We're like yin and yang, peanut butter and jelly, the Odd Couple."

"Well we'd definitely be an odd couple, I could tell you that," Rimmer said as he turned away.

"Hey, what's with you?" Lister said, walking up to Rimmer. "Just a few minutes ago, you were telling me youwere falling for me. Now you're acting as if nothing's even happened between us!"

"_You're_ talking as though we've been together for ages!"

"We _have_ Rimmer! Whether you remember it or not, we've been together since I got out of stasis! Besides, if we're such an _odd_ couple, why did you bother to kiss me?" Lister whirled Rimmer around and stared dead off in his eyes. He didn't just spend the last half hour sorting through his feelings for Rimmer just to have things end up like this.

Rimmer looked around nervously, avoiding Lister's eyes. "I...I...well what did you bloody expect? You went on and on about how you want to turn me into your fuck mate! Did you think I'd just sit there and nod, like your damned psychiatrist? You may have had people go on about how they want to get you in the sack, but I haven't had that luxury! So pardon me if for a small moment I forgot just who it was talking to me and suffered a severe lapse in judgement!"

Lister said nothing. He fought back a lump that was forming in his throat. "So that's all then. You didn't do it because for once in your miserable life, you felt something besides bitterness and hatred. You did it because you lost your mind?"

Rimmer looked into Lister's eyes. He could see tears forming in the corners of his eyes, even though it was obvious he was trying not to let them fall. Something pulled at Rimmer's heart. Why was he being this way? Before he came through that door, he would have given anything to hear Lister say he cared. But now that he had heard the story, for some reason he couldn't help but be his normal bitter pessimistic self. And yet, looking into those eyes, he wanted to be someone else. Someone with hope, someone with love, someone who somebody else could deserve and be proud to say "This is the man I love". He turned his head to the side and closed his eyes. No. He couldn't keep looking at those eyes.

Something he didn't expect to say and didn't mean came out as he looked away. "No. But I must have lost my mind to think I was falling for you."

Lister balled up his fist. Without missing a beat, he pulled back and punched Rimmer in the face. Rimmer flew back and landed on a crate. He clutched his aching face and turned toward Lister, who was walking up to him, tears streaming down his face, despite the visible rage. "I don't even know why I bothered to tell you. I don't know why I bothered to feel what I felt for you. I don't know..." he bit his lip to keep his composure. "I don't know why it had to be _you_ that I'm supposed to spend the rest of my life with. Why a selfish, piss-headed, smeg head like you is the one person that I actually..."

He couldn't make it. He sobbed openly in front of Rimmer, showing just how badly his heart was breaking on the inside.

"I don't know why it had to be you that'd I'd fall in love with."

Not giving Rimmer a chance to talk to him, Lister stormed out of the room, heading for his quarters. Rimmer sat up and spat blood. Closing his eyes, a tear rolled down his cheek. He knew this would happen. He knew he'd screw up the best thing that he could have. But for once...deep down inside he had hoped he was wrong.

So much for hope.

* * *

Chicapanzy: Whooooo...this took quite the angsty turnaround...even _I_ didn't see it coming! Oo This isn't where the angst train makes its final stop though...there's another station ahead... 


	10. Hell Hath No Fury

**Chapter 10: Hell Hath No Fury**

Rimmer walked into the panel room, a look of total misery clinging to his face. He didn't know what happened in there. He finally got something he'd wanted since as far back as he could remember...perhaps since always. Someone loved him. Someone gave a damn about him. Someone wanted to share their life with him. And what did he do? He did exactly what he always did. He screwed it up. He couldn't just accept the fact that for once something good was happening for him. He had to turn it into something horrible, something heart-wrenching. Maybe this was why his life had been so craptastic. Not because he was fated to be a waste of a human mind, body, and soul, but because he himself turned everything foul.

His bitterness, his sadness, his loneliness...none of it had to do with Fate. It had nothing to do with his upbringing or his parents or anyone else. It instead had everything to do with him being a complete and utter gimboid who couldn't take a good thing for what it was.

He took a seat next to Kryten and put his head on the table. Kryten, being a rather observant android, said, "It didn't go well, did it?"

Rimmer sighed and lifted his head. "I'm a complete smeg head, Kryters. He came to me and put his heart in my hands, and what do I do? I throw it aside and tell him it's not real."

Kryten looked confused. Surely even _Rimmer_ could tell when someone was sincere about their love. "Why, if you're here sulking then, where's Mr. Lister?"

"Crying in his quarters no doubt," Rimmer said, looking down at the table, wondering if he himself would cry too.

Kryten lunged out of his chair and clutched Rimmer's neck with his hands. The two fell to the floor with a loud crash. Kryten tightened his hands around Rimmer's neck and started banging his head on the floor. "YOU MADE HIM CRY? YOU MADE HIM CRY? YOU? MADE? HIM? CRY!"

Rimmer gagged, feeling for the first time in a long time what it was like to be unable to breathe. With what little air he had, he said, "I...didn't...mean...to...I was...a...mor...on..." Kryten let Rimmer's head bang one last time before glaring at him, his chest heaving from his fit of rage. He saw, in the corner of his eye, a tear form and fall.

He attempted to sniff, but couldn't get any air into his nose and made more of a snort. Kryten let his grip on Rimmer's neck go slack, but still held his hands there. With the sudden rush of air back into his lungs, Rimmer started to cry uncontrollably, gasping and sobbing and coughing.

Shaking his head, Kryten stood up and held his hand out for Rimmer. Through misty eyes, Rimmer ignored Kryten's hand and wrapped his arms around his waist, the pain of his soul escaping from his mouth in the form of heaving sobs. "I wanted to tell him! I wanted to say that I loved him! I wanted to say I always loved him! That I never wanted him to leave my side! That I could live a million years alone if it meant I could see him at the end!" Rimmer buried his face in Kryten's crotch, tears falling from his eyes.

This threw Kryten for a loop. It didn't compute! Rimmer scorns Lister's confession of love, then starts bawling? Rimmer was notorious for not making much sense, but this topped everything! Going into autopilot, he shakily extended his hand and stroked Rimmer's head. "There there Sir. I'm sure you still have a chance to make amends! Just tell him everything you told me!"

Rimmer shook his head. "No! It's too late for that! I've already screwed things up! I can't fix this! There's nothing I can do to make up for my stupidity!"

Feeling the anger come back, Kryten pulled back and slapped Rimmer. Rimmer's head snapped to the side, but instead of responding, he just hung his head and continued to cry.

"Look at you!" Kryten screamed. "It's no wonder you've had a miserable life, because you are completely spineless! The moment you mess up, you immediately give up hope and don't even TRY to make amends! You just let it stand that something bad had happened to poor pitiful Arnold J. Rimmer and sulk like a baby instead of being a man and admitting you were wrong and trying to make it right! A worthless pit of scum like you doesn't DESERVE Lister's love! You don't deserve ANYONE'S love!"

Kryten stormed out of the panel room, leaving Rimmer alone yet again. He sat there on the floor and cried like a newborn baby. His heart was in pieces. Everything Kryten said was true. He really _didn't_ deserve Lister's love, let alone anyone else's. He curled into a ball and cried his heart out for what seemed like hours.

Finally, when there seemed to be no more tears to cry, he stood up and looked in the mirror on the wall before him. In the mirror, he saw a pitiful man with puffy, red eyes and a tear stained, snot covered face. He saw this reflection of his inner self, and couldn't help but feel rage.

He pulled back and punched the mirror, making it shatter into a million pieces. Ignoring the pain in his hand, he walked out of the panel room and into the empty hallway. He wasn't going to let himself stay this way. He wasn't going to let himself lose Lister. Lister loved him and nothing else mattered, not the risk of failure, not the misery that was his life, nothing.

All that mattered was Lister.

* * *

Chicapanzy: Yikes. More angst. Didn't expect that from Kryten, huh? Please review! XD 


	11. Starting Anew With You

**Chapter 11: Starting Anew With You**

Lister lay crying on his bunk in his and Rimmer's room. Not even after Kochanski broke up with him had he ever felt so heartbroken. He had finally realized that the one person he cared about most was right under his nose, and that very same person drove a dagger through his heart, giving it no more regard than he'd give a used tissue. He knew it was stupid to cry over such a thing. After all, he was a man, and men weren't supposed to cry over rejections. But he couldn't help it. He let his emotions overcome him for once, since he was the only living human left in the universe more likely than not and there was no one left to judge him for crying like he was.

Lister cried on and off for about an hour. He was so distraught with his misery, that he hadn't noticed that at some point, Rimmer had walked in and was watching him as he sobbed into his pillow. The sight pulled at Rimmer's heart, which was already aching painfully in his chest. This was his handiwork. This is what he had done to the one person he cared more about in the entire universe. He felt at that moment like he'd rather die a million different painful deaths than to see Lister crying because of his stupidity.

He knew he couldn't just stand there and watch him. And yet, he didn't know how to go about catching his attention. One part of him wanted to walk up to Lister's bed, kneel down and wraps his arms around him tightly and just say "I'm sorry" until his throat became hoarse. Another part of him wanted to back up to the doorway and make it look as though he had just came in, then call him.

In the end, he compromised and stayed right where he was, and meekly said, "Lister? Can we talk?"

Lister's head buried further into the pillow as he clutched tighter. A muffled response came from the pillow: "We've already talked. You've told me how you feel! Just go away!"

"No," Rimmer said, shaking his head. "I _haven't_ told you how I feel. Everything I said in that room was…it wasn't what I really feel."

"Then what was it?" Lister said, his face now raised toward Rimmer's, tearstained and slightly red from clutching the pillow so tight. "If it wasn't what you really felt, then what the hell was it?"

Rimmer closed his eyes and lowered his head. For a moment, he started to lose his nerve. But he wasn't going to let the man he loved go without a decent explanation. He opened his eyes, looked at Lister and said, "It was the old Rimmer speaking."

"The old Rimmer huh?" said Lister, with a sarcastic tone to his voice. "So then I suppose I'm talking to the _new_ Rimmer then, am I?"

"Yes. You are. The Rimmer that you were talking to in that room couldn't take a good thing for what it was worth. He always thought there was some kind of catch or that someone was trying to have a laugh at his own expense, or that it just flat out wasn't true. The Rimmer that you were talking to had been so accustomed to people not giving a damn about whatever happened to him that he couldn't accept the fact that you cared about him. That Rimmer doesn't deserve you or anyone else."

Lister sat up in his bunk and studied Rimmer's face. Somehow, he could actually see a difference from the Rimmer before him and the Rimmer he talked to an hour ago. This Rimmer could look him in the eye without fidgeting nervously while he talked or turning his head away. This Rimmer had a fire in his eyes the other Rimmer didn't have. This Rimmer…perhaps, this Rimmer is the real Rimmer that never had a real chance to come to the surface.

Rimmer took Lister's change in position as a sign that not all was lost. Rimmer walked up to Lister and got down on his knees in front of him. He took his hands in his and held them tight. "Lister…I'm sorry. None of what I said was really what I felt. I just acted like the coward I am…or was, I should say…and ran away from what was real, trying to tell myself that it was all a lie. That it was just another cruel joke someone was playing on me. It took a beat down from Kryten and some time crying to myself on the floor of the panel room to realize that I couldn't be that person anymore. If I were to deserve your love, I had to be the person I never was but always could have been. Lister…"

Rimmer's eyes glistened with tears he fought not to let fall. With a shaky breath, he said the words that Lister had never thought he'd hear from Rimmer's mouth:

"I love you."

Lister smiled, a sob escaping his lips and new tears falling from his eyes. With what little composure he had left, he said, "That's all you had to tell me before, smeg head."

The two embraced, sharing their true feelings for the first time. They cried together in each other arms, neither moving save the shaking of their shoulders as they wept. Rimmer pulled back, tears trailing down his face and put a hand on Lister's cheek, wiping away some of the tears that still lingered there. He pulled him close and gently kisses his lips. Lister responded immediately and returned the kiss fully. The gentle kiss grew harder as the passion that lay dormant in both men finally began to erupt between them. Lister leaned back onto the bed, pulling Rimmer with him, not breaking the kiss for an instant. Their tongues lashed desperately within the other's mouth, taking in as much as they could of the other. They lay on the bed kissing passionately, nothing else in the world mattering.

Rimmer reluctantly broke the kiss however, his chest heaving painfully from the lack of air in his lungs. Lister respectively gasped for air, looking lovingly up at Rimmer who smiled down at him. Between gasps, Rimmer said, "I guess this is more than just the start of a beautiful friendship, huh?"

Lister returned Rimmer's smile, the first genuine one he had ever received from him, then answered him with a small kiss. "It's the start of something much better."

THE END?

No….

THE BEGINNING.

* * *

Be on the look out for a sequel everyone! There's still lots of lovely lemony goodness I need to write for the two of them. 


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